As you can see through our page, Josh and I have been through devastating times together! All of our family and friends tell us "if you can get through all this, then you can get through anything"  I think that is so true because I still wake up every morning and go to sleep every night knowing, I want to be with him for the rest of my life. Even though we were hurt and never understood why any of this can happen to us and our sweet innocent baby, we didn't place any blame on eachother. It's nobody's fault of course, but in a reaction of  something like that, people sometimes do play the blame card. I mean to spend time in hospital after hospital, not be able to go to work, or have to go to work and leave your sons bedside because bills have to be paid . Thats what we were deciding on everyday. It was the hardest thing ever and we both took our grief out in our own ways. There came that day were we accepted it for what it was and now we can look at eachother and say "WOW, WE DID ALL THAT" . Were still waiting for the phone call from our doctor to see when his trach comes out! Hopefully soon because how incredible would that be if we were to win the perfect wedding, our sons trach comes out, and at the wedding him walking around saying mama and dada for the first time!!!!! Now thats the PERFECT WEDDING to us!!!

My little sister Mindy, is the most amazing sister anyone could ask for! Were only 2 1/2 years apart, but everyone would always think we were twins. Growing up wasn't always easy,  but we always stuck together. She's been away for college, so its hard not seeing her all the time, I miss that . I say all the time to people, she's my little big sister because she is so intelligent, and has the best advice. Everytime I have a problem or want to vent, I'm calling her up on the phone. She's a awesome aunt to my boys and they just love her! Kanan says "she's cool mom" . She comes back home in a couple of weeks for good: no more school, softball, oh and Craig! Just kidding Craig I love you too! Ok fine, your my favorite brother!! It's just going to be so much better with her always here! She's my best friend in the hole entire wide world!  I love you!!!!!!!!!!

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Kanan loves that he's a big brother. Zaine absolutely adores him. As soon as Kanan walks through the door, Zaine starts laughing and and clapping his hands. As a mother it just melts my heart. These two boys are the best two things in my life. Every morning I wake to the two happiest boys saying mommy, mommy (Zaine just points, but I know in my heart he would be saying it) . My days are very hectic, but Josh does just as much so we don't really have time for ourselves. Were o.k. with that because we couldn't imagine our life any different. We can't wait for the doctor to call us to see when his trach comes out. It's a slow process cause we have to train him to breathe from his mouth and nose. It is very difficult to watch him go through this because he's so used to breathing through his neck. He just cries and cries. Kanan doesn't quite understand everything, so he gets scare. One time we changed his trach and Kanan was behind me and saw the hole in this neck and freak out. I never heard him scream and cry so loud before. I had to sit him down and really explain everything to him. Josh and I started crying too because everything to us was so emotional at that time! It feels so surreal that all this stuff we've been through with our son is finally healed and in five years it will be just a story of the past! That feels so good to write!

Today is our sons first birthday! Wow it's gone by so fast. Here is video of us singing happy birthday and big brother helping blow out the candles, and then him eating the cake.