Kanan loves that he's a big brother. Zaine absolutely adores him. As soon as Kanan walks through the door, Zaine starts laughing and and clapping his hands. As a mother it just melts my heart. These two boys are the best two things in my life. Every morning I wake to the two happiest boys saying mommy, mommy (Zaine just points, but I know in my heart he would be saying it) . My days are very hectic, but Josh does just as much so we don't really have time for ourselves. Were o.k. with that because we couldn't imagine our life any different. We can't wait for the doctor to call us to see when his trach comes out. It's a slow process cause we have to train him to breathe from his mouth and nose. It is very difficult to watch him go through this because he's so used to breathing through his neck. He just cries and cries. Kanan doesn't quite understand everything, so he gets scare. One time we changed his trach and Kanan was behind me and saw the hole in this neck and freak out. I never heard him scream and cry so loud before. I had to sit him down and really explain everything to him. Josh and I started crying too because everything to us was so emotional at that time! It feels so surreal that all this stuff we've been through with our son is finally healed and in five years it will be just a story of the past! That feels so good to write!