A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen." God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. - He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and Picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners and Stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, Do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and Mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and Got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and Got the kids organized to do their homework, Then set up the ironing board and Watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and Washing vegetables for salad, Breaded the pork chops and Snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, He went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my Wife's' being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us Trade back." The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:   "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months though. You got pregnant last night." ---------------------

Subject: Cursing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals

throughout the company have been using foul language during the course

of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily

offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to

accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have

been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can

continue in an effective manner. 

Number 1

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ yo u're doing.

Number 2

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.

IN STEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__. 

Number 3

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5

TRY SAYING: Really?

INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ di dn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12

TRY SAYING: E xcuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

 

Thank You,

Human Resources

Mexican word of the day is:  MUSHROOM
Orale vato, when me and my whole family get in the car, there's not too "MUSHROOM"!!

Mexican Word for the day is : CHICKEN
My wife wanted me to go to the store for her, pero "CHICKEN" go herself.

Mexican Word of the Day:  WAFER
I wanted to go to the movies with my friends, pero los mensos didn't "WAFER" me.

Mexican word of the day is:  JULY
You told me you were going to the store and JULY" to me! Julyer!

Mexican Word for the day is : LIVER AND CHEESE
Some vato tried to hit on my ruca, I told him "orale loco LIVER alone CHEESE mines"

Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-NE-Ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-in-Kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. REMOTE CONTROL (RI-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND;

He said .. . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . .You wear pants don't you?

He said . . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said .. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said .. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said .. .. We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.